Why doesn’t Jesus eat M&Ms?

Jesus wasn’t a zombie, he was a lich.

Where does this madness end? It’s frankly ridiculous to insert asparagus into the story of a cosmic Jewish zombie who was his own father and can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is…

This liberal bias is exactly why I canceled my subscription to Deadspin. I just read all the words in the articles and comment sometimes.

Alien day being on 4/26 is goddamn stupid. It should fall on the 426th day of the year, dummies.

He doesn’t have brain injuries. He just knows how to profit off stupid people.

despite their ages, he and Brees seem like they could still really be a couple of ..uhh... lethal weapons?

Years ago, my Fox News-watching dad came over for a visit and gave my son Bill O’Reilly’s book for teenagers. My son said “Thanks Grandpa” and after my folks went home, my kid tossed the book in the garbage. He was 14.

And I have to Craigslist to find a woman to hit me and spit on me. Some guys get all the luck.

This needs to become a widespread thing because I can’t wait for the angry tweets trying to justify the discrepancy.

Ha! This warms my cold, black heart. Today was a good day, with this and the Chaffetz news.

Do you even know what you’re trying to say?

Why should you be surprised that he doesn’t use protection? The guy has never played defense once in his life. /deadspin’ed

You: “Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”

You want to point to where America gets it right and the rest of the world gets it wrong, it’s being fans of soccer. Man, what a dull pointless game. A lot of running back and forth with players who flop on the field after barely being touched—are you kidding me? People want to watch this stuff?

No, this is how pornography is shown in Japan. I am being dead serious.

Oh my Christ, are you serious?

I know Japanese porn is censored, but this is going just a step too far in my opinion.