Poor Bristol. She’s always the babymama, never the bride.

Good for her. There's no reason for her to take that shit.

Not really, as everyone ever was born. It’s actually very mundane and ordinary.

Fuck IPA fever. I am so sick of wasting ten minutes per table explaining our vanilla espresso IPA, our 36,000,000-minute IPA, our Antidisestablishmentarianism IPA. Go hump a barrel of hops and GTFO of my face.

Waiter: “I’m sorry Sir, but the policy is clearly printed at the top of the restaurant menu”

Meryl’s got a lifetime of feminist activism under her belt, lending her support to a variety of feminist organizations and causes. You really think her problem is that she hasn’t read Joanna explain what is meant by the term “patriarchy”? You might be very new to feminism, but Meryl isn’t; treating everyone who…

Ok, I’m coming out right now: I’m a Dogist. I believe that Dogs > People and only Dogs should have rights and tell People what to do. This will result in a world of naps and treats YOU’RE WELCOME!

I’m a pizza supremecist.

I’m a feminist but not a humanist.

It’s almost like their race is relevant to their daily lives, or it somehow influences their subjective experiences! I mean GEEZ, kinda boring for us Default Americans who can go our entire lives without needing to consider how our skin color might factor into things like hailing cabs or encountering the police! They…

It’s almost like he’s just a person and not imbued with the spirit of a random god.

Unfortunate timing to be sure and it is nice they apologized. However, the Secret Service generally doesn’t even comment on security protocol and has certainly no jurisdiction over the President’s schedule. Their sole purview as it relates to this is to protect their protectees and if that means closing a park, it…

I choose my significant others based on the streaming passwords they can provide me.

Why the fuck would anyone want Ben Carson (or any of these Republicans) to come to their school and tell them how terrible they are for wanting to have sex?

Try armed rebellion in 2015 and see how long that shit lasts. The U.S. government would turn even a well-armed militia into Swiss cheese before Joe Blow’s first shell casing hit the ground. This argument is pathetically weak.

Do these people think that’s a teaching moment? Like “oh, I’ll show you, server person, with this super unnecessary comment on the check”? Because all it teaches me, folks, is that the world would be better off if you were eaten by dragons.

I think it’s because she’s a woman who dares to operate I’m the public eyeand not weigh 100 lbs and not have perfect hair/boobs/etc. People can’t stand seeing a woman not conforming AND who dares to be successful

It’s my observation that no one hates Rosie half as much as Trump. His hatred of her is so ridiculous and over the top that I can only assume it’s motivated by a secret wish to bang her and he’s pissed she’s a lesbian. Also, he probably realizes that even if she was straight he’s repulsive in every way and can only…

Oh my god, I know, right?! I totally got my English/ Philosophy degree for the money!! Why don't you become a server too if they make more and you could probably do it better?