As part of her new quest to become

I always imagined that was how Pooty strutted into the Kremlin every morning.

Rambling out of nervousness:

Lucky! Where did you see him perform? I'm sure if I heard him play "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" live I'd sob uncontrollably and call it a life well lived.

Have you ever seen her Tumblr? It's like a pictorial hug with inspirational Dolly quotes and tons upon tons of sequins.

I did that when I saw Prince in 2004. I swear to the Purple One himself, I just stood and swayed, hand in air as if at a revival meeting, and WEPT during Purple Rain.

The cheesecake. Someone's gotta be the cheesecake.

Thanks for the new Kinja handle!

You're welcome. Feel better.

I know it's not your birthday, but here's David Bowie wishing you a happy eventual birthday. Basically, here's David Bowie wishing you to be happy.

Oooooooooooooooo.........

Hopefully neither Argentina nor Netherlands will beat the streak.

Data is our greatest ally.

No, I have a friend who was assaulted in one of Queens College's on-campus parking lots. But, hey! Thanks for making assumptions about my knowledge!

I am calling such bullshit on those CUNY numbers. Fucking bullshit on those numbers. Just because they're commuter colleges doesn't mean forcible offenses don't happen. Fuck that. You don't need a dorm to assault students or staff.

Any man who bring booze to the party and doesn't slut shame is a cool guy in my book.

It might an actual part of their training. Hopefully.

Let me get this straight: Neymar, for example, can't do some of the more hardcore Kama Sutra positions, but it's okay if he's just safely sitting in a sex swing? Because, in that case, he won't be the one doing anything athletic or acrobatic. He'll just be.... sitting there.

Gaaaaaaaah.....

I used to work for Alcoholics Anonymous and their firmly held beliefs never stopped the non-alcoholic employees from enjoying an open bar at the company-organized, company-funded Christmas party. And that corporation (although a non-profit one) DEFINITELY has some firmly held beliefs.