Of the ten items on this list, three describe good things, four are things that, if I had them, I’d never use them, and three are things I would pay extra to have removed from my car.

When I’m in the fast lane and I see an idiot like that barrelling up on me I don’t quickly jump out of the fast lane to get out of the idiot’s way, specifically out of the reasonable fear that the idiot is apt to make some kind of fast ‘n’ furious pass on my right at the same time that I’m trying to get out of his…

Archetypal Tesla driver vs. archetypal BMW driver.

And this son of a bitch will, at best, be convicted of two or three misdemeanors. Meanwhile, oh you could pick out a hundred contrasting injustices, there’s a woman who has spent years in jail for making the accidental mistake that she thought she could vote in Texas.

It’s been obvious to me since the ‘80s that Republican politicians are greedy, spiteful, racist, and pathological liars to a man, but I really had not noticed before the last couple Presidential elections that they are also such totally contemptible no-nuts wussies. The only exception that comes to mind was the late Jo…

It gives the Rs some ammo to can shoot into their own feet when they vote against a proposal that 70% of the voters want.

Eeeew! Are you trying to invite cockroaches into your house?

“I know my two young daughters mean the world to me. They’re the best. And whoo-ee, you oughta see how they’re, uh, growing up! [makes ‘twin-melons’ gesture with his hands]”

At first I was like, “Oh jeez poor David has had a relapse, are we going to have to stage an intervention?” But then I saw the photo of the underside of the car. No rust! You bought a car with no rust!

Anybody who can characterize Amy Fisher as “a Lolita” obviously never read Lolita.

It is healthier too. Obviously. Everybody knows happy people live longer than the rest of us. Also, everybody knows chicken thighs taste better than chicken breasts. Eating stuff that tastes good makes you happy; it clearly follows that eating stuff that tastes more good makes you more happy.  Therefore if you eat…

I’ve never seen a drive-through window (or even a drive-thru window) where they’d let you walk up and get your order. Apparently the thinking is, if you’re on foot, you must be too poor to own a car, in other words, you’re a fucking bum, and that means a.) you’re super dangerous and b.) you should starve.

Look at them! They are whimsical. They are adorable.

I had a guy say he couldn’t tell me what my monthly payment would be until after I finalized the purchase contract, because the only way to do that mega-hard, Einstein-level computation was with “the computer” and “the computer” couldn’t spit out the monthly payment until after I signed the contract to buy the car.

When I first saw that cover, especially the inside cover, naturally the first thing that happened was my eyes popped out like that wolf in Red Hot Riding Hood, but then after I calmed down I said “You know, if they had to give it a cover like that it’s got to be crap as music.” So my buddy pulled the record out of the…

How he had seventy-five million votes. As though seventy-four million isn’t a big and impressive number. But when given the choice between lying and not lying, even when there is essentially no difference and no one cares, Trump will always, always, always lie.

As though “basic biology and science” have anything at all to do with having enough good manners to address someone the way he or she prefers to be addressed. It’s pretty much the same thing as if a guy comes up to me and introduces himself as “James” and I repeatedly, and deliberately, call him “Jim.” If he wanted to…

Why do I pay most of my bills with paper checks? A matter of style. A piece of paper and a pen vs. being required to “interface” with a worldwide network of computers running a thousand varieties of generally shitty software. Old, simple and elegant vs. hyper-complicated, confusing and ugly.

No! How many TIMES do I have to TELL YOU? You God damned KIDS get off my LAWN!!!

It might be if they were.