“What if Commander Riker were a 90s tv mom?”

He’s going to make the biggest net. A really beautiful net. It’ll catch all the illegals flying in from Mexico. It’s gonna be good. He’ll call it Skynet. You’ll love it, believe me.

Hey... I don’t want no short 🍆  man either, 😉.

Well the first instance of concentration camps being used in fairly modern history was in the US when Native Americans were rounded up and put into concentration camps (reservations) as a method of extermination and control. Concentration camps were also used during the civil war and were used by the British during…

Decoupage?

I will be heartbroken if there aren’t any reports of a despondent Easter rabbit wandering the grounds quietly muttering to himself “I’m the Governor of New Jersey for Christ’s sake”

Today I told a coworker that I hope McConnell falls into a well.

See, now two bottles of red is pushing it for me, but two bottles of rose, I’m like “Eh, I could still operate heavy machinery.”

I’d rather see Marilyn Manson on the Supreme Court than Napolitano.

If I wanted to watch a crazy, egomaniacal, thrice-married rich moron read words he didn’t write without any feeling or conviction, I’d watch a Tom Cruise movie.

He doesn’t use a smartphone since he found a bunch of shitty music was pushed to it in an update.

I’m pretty sure Pence thought he was meeting the man who was married to Cher.

Exxon poetry still worse.

Two million dollars worth of Alanis Morrisette’s jewelry? That’s A LOT of wooden bangles.

They were de rigueur for male teens from South Boston attending my high school in 1998.

Because our country was built on an ancient Indian burial ground and it’s finally coming back to haunt us.

Same thing happened to my friend Jesus. But it wasn’t ninth grade, and the teacher was actually a bunch of Roman soldiers.

WHAT HAVE WE EVER DONE TO YOU?

So that’s what was on the third tablet that Moses dropped. Makes perfect sense.

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...