And in a major twist, it's revealed that the shark's name is Bruce, but the lawyer's name is… Jaws.

This time it's even more personal!

Instead of remaking Jaws, why not just tell the exact same story, but involving the children of the characters from the original? That seems to be working…

I talked myself into thinking Phantom Menace was great. I think my justification was that the Ewoks were really cheesy and annoying if you think about it, so this wasn't all that much of a departure from the original, blah blah blah. It took me a few weeks to admit to myself that the movie was shit, but then I…

Harry must have been heartbroken when Jar Jar became a tool for the Empire.

I remember what it was like to be a Star Wars fan in denial back then. The struggle was real.

Yeah, that's true. I guess snark is inevitable. Probably why this is my go to source for snark-tinged entertainment… meh, whatever, can't even bother to finish that thought.

Classic!

I don't blame Disney for being conservative with their 5 billion dollar investment. They know the power of nostalgia and the wrath they would face from the fandom if they didn't play all of the greatest hits. For me it's a bit bland, but can you imagine the snark the AV Club would be printing if they tried something…

Best Star Wars movie since 1983! #FaintPraise

Basically, yes. He said it was 'ok.' It tries too hard to mimic the first trilogy. The movie is fun, but has a 'sort of shitty, dumb story.' Too much fan service. He liked all the characters, especially Kylo Ren, but cryptically warns people to lower their expectations for Captain Phasma.

Meanwhile, the one person on Twitter with a slightly less enthusiastic, but still positive, reaction is now receiving death threats from angry fans.

Queen Amidala makes brief small talk with one of her hand maidens. Finally, a Star Wars movie that passes the Bechdel Test! Also, a black guy that isn't a traitor and doesn't die right away! Truly, a Star Wars for a new generation.

The Disney overloads that pay his mortgage?

I wish Twitter was around in 1999 so we could compare and contrast celebrity tweets.

Ava Duvernay turned it down. FGG is directing FF8.

Whoa, I haven't been this excited about a Marvel movie in forever.

Guys, I think Stallone is going to win an Oscar
(and deserve it).

Taylor Swift is so vain, she probably thinks this song was written by her.

Sure, Thor had a lot of color. It was still a bland, generic, anti-septic, mediocre fantasy world. And that was before the action of the film was transferred over to a bland, generic, anti-septic, mediocre small town back lot.