The local press reported the Lakers enjoyed some post game Ensures with a Glucosamine chaser followed by a good long nap.

"Here's to England's national dental health service, who have always helped us believe in the impossible."

GO AWAY, WE'RE NOT GOING TO GIVE YOU MONEY, SPAINSH MAN!

If Leah Dunham were a groupie in the seventies her nickname would be "Swampy".

"I'd like to thank Leah Dunham, who I won't be with next year, when I realize I could be hitting some righteous hipster tail instead of a girl who looks like what you imagine when you wish your hot cousin wasn't hot and want to feel better, like, "If only she had shitty tats and and a huge gut, I wouldn't feel so…

Award for band who most looks like they time traveled here from the seventies and will probably all die together at once -

Wherever my dad is tonight, I would like to thank him.

I'd like to thank, my mom, my grandma and my aunt for their guidance-

Troy Aikman was quarterback for OU.

Everyone does their best work trying to fit inside the studio system while delivering a film that has odd angles. Out of Sight was a great movie with stars, as was Ocean's Eleven, but it forced him inside convention. Pulp Fiction was not inside it, but Soderberg followed his style to deliver a film after a lost period…

Christopher Nolan's brother tried to escape from that prison. Being a mad genius who writes about criminals, you know Christopher had to, for a moment, think about an escape plan for him. If I were these guys, I'd gather as much money as possible from family. Then dye my clothes black in the sink with an ink pen, get…

It's not his first brush with a half truth at Notre Dame. He promised the Leprechaun he knew where some gold could be found if he they became partners to track down Arch Stanton's grave.

"I've got a hooker to pee on."

Is texas going to be good next year?

Any gun would do the trick. This one holds a lot more, because my wife is a terrible shot.

One was running from the cops, one just wanted money. I don't want anyone to lose their life, but if someone was going to try to hold my wife hostage, I really don't want them in my house. We did not invite them, they tried to force their way into our home. Anyone who does will eat fucking lead. I hope you don't have…

It's hard to steal shit you own.

One was running from the cops after a traffic stop, one just wanted to burgle. I don't understand why any two people are the same, but by your condescending tone, I can only assume it's because I live right where the road ends at the town. Is that ok? I don't mean to fucking harsh your buzz, but it would have been…

Yes, I did invite them. It might have more to do with drug use. It is probably my fault people are trying to break into my house. You know what, fuck you.

I'm not sure, I live in rural Oklahoma, but one escaped from police custody and one broke through the window. We'd be a lot better off if they just took her hostage.