Also, said car was not actively on fire during the inspection. 

Here’s my method for dealing with lost checked baggage:

Every time you pass “GO” you should get an invoice for $200 from Sallie Mae.

It’s...it’s...it’s a...it’s a ROCKET SHIP!!! YAAAAY

You haven’t lived until you’ve had a turkey and taters served with red chile sauce, New Mexico style.

Seriously, with the way air travel has gone, my previous couple experiences on United/Delta aren’t far off from “covered in actual feces.”

I read that as a literal bird suing California for a second; sadly, it wasn’t that shocking...I thought “Welp, it’s California...”

That’s awesome! It sucks holding the door open with your foot while handing out candy to the ravening hordes; now she has a convenient doorstop. What a considerate trick-or-treater!

Parking time limits are supposed to ensure that spaces rotate frequently so that local workers don’t clog up the best spots, and visitors can use restaurants, shops, etc.

Fish nukers may not be psychopaths, but they are DEFINITELY devil worshippers.

Especially on United.

He doesn’t die - “in his house at R’lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming.” He’s already dead. And not. Pan-dimensional being; not a fluffy white mouse though. Hitting him with the boat just bought them time to flee, and since it wasn’t time for him to rise yet and end the world, he just went back to the temple to wait.…

You can’t use an executive order to override the constitution, bud. Not how that works.

He loves her for the wisdom her rich life experiences have bestowed on her.

I see KAS-UT-DE-US; been a while since I played Diablo II...is that Enigma? Or Breath of the Dying?

AHHHHH!

Thy penance shall be to fully heal the wounds of this beautiful beast, then say 5 “Hail Mustangs” and do 10 burnouts. 

Moreso! ZERO light pollution. CANS FTW!

Hypothesis:cats are getting artful with their vole torture. Look for jumper cables with scorch marks.

I’m not your guy, friend!