I have a pair of ASUS laptops (about 6 years old now) which get taken apart every 2 years, and new thermal paste applied. That shit dries out BAD, especially with limited ventilation in most modern laptop cases.

Just order the 5-cheese ziti al forno and dip breadsticks into it.  HEAVEN!

My stress level is inversely proportional to the number of cashiers on duty.

Glad he’s getting the surgery he needs, after being forced to take “fish antibiotics” (which I assume are vet grade antibiotics intended for use on fish, not antibiotics somehow derived from fish) off label. Lovely healthcare system we have here.

Glue residue may in fact improve the taste of some of those beverages, particularly if it tastes anything like old school stamp adhesive. 

especially appealing to underage drinkers.

Also, alternating acetaminophen and ibuprofen is not only much safer than opiates, but also more effective for oral pain (this is confirmed by several studies; most recently in the ADA journal itself, earlier this year). When you get your wisdoms out, there’s no need to reach for the Vicodin. Only caveat is it’s a bit…

Who are we to argue with the captain of the Enterprise?

NOT FRIED!?

So who’s up for a game of gun/taser/snake?  

Their buffalo (fake)chicken patties are the bomb.

The Beefy Fritos Burrito, which has been on the dollar menu for years, is the same thing with regular Fritos instead of spicy.

In fact, if I send my boss a 3-page treatise, she is likely to just bin the fucker in annoyance. Concise is king.

. . . they think he’s hilarious.

Hilarious idea: the affected employees should order compelling fakes online. Swooshes that are just a bit too stubby and say “Mike” in the right font, etc.  Wear said fakes daily. Makes the same point, but can’t technically get in trouble because it’s not actually Nike.

“Yay, I’m rich! I never have to work again!”

Crest makes a 2-step whitening paste system; Step 1 is a “hurts so good” toothpaste.

It boggles my mind that someone can wake up, roll out of bed, and then not immediately reach for the burniest feeling toothpaste available. Morning mouth funk is the WORST.

I think Rick Moranis said it best, in Spaceballs: “I’m surrounded by Assholes!”

Looks like one of their friends said “Huh, dare you to fart in your hand and smell it, huh huh huh!”  And they responded accordingly.