FATHER TED FTW!!!!

In my experience (getting hit in the face with one), airbags only stay inflated for a couple of seconds. What good is it for the truck to deploy bags if it thinks it’s about to roll over? Those things should deploy when it’s almost horizontal, or there might not be any cushioning left by the time it actually rolls.

Please don’t cheap out. I did. At 6'5", I “fit” in the Ford Fiesta, but $23K in emergency surgery and a lifelong Xarelto prescription later, I learned that blood clots are no joke.

If you touch that, it will turn to dust in your hands. I think Thanos snapped his fingers at this thing...

Toilets usually aren’t electric, but well pumps sure are. No water = no flushing.

<Darth Vader Voice>

Not a fan of that kind of nannying, but it would be nice to have fewer bro-dozers out there...

You know when you hear a rustling outside, and you flip on the light, and a big fat racoon looks guiltily back at you from atop your trash can, before gallumphing off into the night?

No, being forced to fight to the death would actually be what he deserved. He went to prison because the folks who write our laws are better than he is.

Tell that to the clot I threw driving my Fiesta. The day I went in to have it roto-rootered out, the surgery cost $23K (about $10K more than the dang car).

full of sword-to-sword

A .45 is a very effective noisemaker, but if I use one for that purpose, I’ll be dragged away in handcuffs. Same theory applies with a Taser.

“His face looks like an arsehole!” - Cassidy, from Preacher season 1

Glad you pulled through that - sounds like hell.

Their motto is based on Rule of Acquisition #[forgot]: “Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.”

There is dignity in the work itself, just not always the person* doing it.

Though it may not have the peppery bite of arugula or the vitamin content of kale, shredded iceberg actually dominates as a sandwich green.

When my wife hit some idiot in her college parking lot (and left a note...), said idiot’s insurance agent actually called me, and asked me not to go through insurance. Can you believe the stones on that one? She was like “well, it’s only around $800 in damage, so if you just write a check to [whatever auto body] we…

Well-captioned!

I’m convinced that Red Delicious are made (not grown) from the scraps of MDF left over after the Ikea factory finishes cutting bookcases for the day.