Today in my yard I had blue jays, ducks, squirrels, kittens and my corgi. It was a good day.

Adam Levine, human version of a White leather couch gets me every time.

I once had a gynecologist who performed a thermal ablation on me (permanently burning off the lining of the uterus—it’s wonderful) and at my follow-up appointment, I reported that everything was great.

Okay let’s also talk about how JJ Abrams said something like “She’s the best person I’ve ever worked with.” So, I guess fuck you Keri Russell.

Meanwhile, Garner is managing to maintain a lucrative career with endorsements, currently for Capital One and Neutrogena. According to the Nielsen ratings, she is, in fact, the No. 1 female spokesperson—another testament, perhaps, to her authentic and genuine quality, an essential approachability that has not been…

Everything about the Grammys is very, very American. David Bowie was a lot of things, but he was never that.

She’ll start a compound called “JoansTown” and we’ll all drink the Dom.

don’t forget the handcuffs

It’s not a cuff, it’s a medical brace from too much masturbating.

I really hope that it is one very distinct and therefore easily avoided market segment :(

I will give you this point. How many of us are fucked up b/c of some shitty shite from our parent’s divorce?! Oh, hell, I am in spades! Jesus & Pear shouldn’t have to go thru that so kudos to GP & CM.

I have a feeling that Duncan’s (Zowie) young life was probably tumultuous and the nanny probably played a big part in raising him. It’s really nice that David honored that.

It’s okay if you’re referring to drugs. “Make mine a baby bump, I have to work tomorrow.”

Youu know, I don’t get why cunt is used as a slur so much. Cunts are great places, they feel great and make people happy. If you really wanted to insult someone, use something that everyone hates, like infected haemorrhoid or herpes.

I’m not right-wing, so I can’t confirm it but I can offer you an explanation. Women are to be taken care of by men, protected from the raping hordes of brown people. A woman venturing out on her own is asking for it because she’s breaking the sacred family unit. Interestingly, this attitude is why right-wing men and…

So when women are sexually assaulted by Arab appearing men, the solution is obviously we close the borders.

But were they this drunk?

I do not miss going out and getting drunk anywhere. Get drunk at home, people!

When I read the headline I was (half) hoping the Couches, were Ethan and Tonya.

I was going to say something about how he hasn’t made a good movie since I Heart Huckabees, but that’s because I had no idea he directed The Fighter. That one was good. But American Hustle was a goddamn mess, and Silver Linings Playbook suuuuuuuucked.