Ugh. If I’m ever eaten by a 23-foot-long reticulated python in the remote village of Salubrio, I hope the villagers who discover me at least have enough respect to film the extraction of my corpse horizontally.

You know what this means...

Good to hear after a lifetime of being outnumbered by Bulls fans in the Bradley Center.

I’m from Milwaukee and I assure you we are also very jealous and in a state of existential dread. Just in a general sort of way though.

I haven’t seen officials get something about Wisconsin this wrong since, well, the DNC last November.

Every Chicago suburb thinks they’re Chicago. It’s a real sickness.

meeting Kermit the Frog is the best experience one can have on this planet

/Trump checks Twitter, watches video of the injury

That La La Land producer is who we all want to be in that moment. Decisive, understands priorities, gets the proof out there ASAP, and his hand was steady as a fucking rock holding that card up for the cameras to read.

Lakers brass has reportedly expressed excitement over Lavar’s comments noting “If he only wants to play for the Lakers and we end up drafting him, that means he’ll be happy to be a Laker.”

Earvin Magic Johnson ✔@MagicJohnson

Brian Flynn out 8 weeks. The barn is listed as hay-to-day.

What scares me is that the next two likely to go are Spicer - basically a harmless punch line right now - and Priebus, who, for all his obnoxiousness, at least has one foot in reality. That would leave the crazies like Bannon and Miller to run the entire ship. When Mattis and Tillerson seem like the normal ones,…

That’s adorable, 80 cocoa% or GTFO!

Somewhere Rob Deer is pondering why the Brewers let him walk. Just kidding, Rob Deer never knew what a walk was.

I am hoping that before they left, the Obama’s installed in the White House three animatronic ghosts programmed to visit Trump on Christmas Eve.

I was going to say the Atlanta coaching staff was replaced by Mike McCarthy and Dom Capers, but I know McCarthy would have ran the ball straight into the middle of the line 2-3 times in that situation.

I guess the bright side is that Brady’s historical destiny is to be the American Max Schmeling.

Wisconsin: Minnesota is annoying but Illinois can eat a dick.