I could do without seeing or hearing from that fascist, dictatorial, tyrant at all tonight if you ask me.

Um, Barry, you got a slight error here.

The Jags now have more Playoff wins in the last decade than the Lions have had during the entire Super Bowl era.
Though my love of the Good Place means I can’t even be angry about this.

Damn, to the Mavs that must’ve felt like a punch to one of their four little stomachs.

The games should be played earlier for both the players and fans. And the championship should be on a Saturday. Same with the Superbowl. Forcing me to go to work tired and hungover isn’t cool.

Ice cleared from the windshield

Jeter bringing those red-hot negotiating skills to bear on Marlins Man

Somebody has been shopping at Herb Tarlik’s garage sales.

don’t forget also matt stafford

He’s black.

Mine has (at 7) figured out that she can go sneak down and put the roku on if we don’t wake up on weekends. Unless the remotes are hidden, she doesn’t wake us up now.

In fact, even without videos playing, she got through shutting all the alarms off on my wife’s iphone so that she got an extra two hours of quiet time…

pull the lid off the tank and then pull up the float to shut off the flow of water

It’s technically not napping when you’re running a length of garden hose from the tail pipe into the cab of the vehicle. 

My kids are fucking amazing. I’ll be asleep for about 3-4 minutes and they’ll seek me out and wake me up. I once went to my wife’s car in the garage just so I could have some quiet and for the first time in recorded history, my eldest decided he wanted to play in the backyard and barged into the garage to get some…

Sounds like a personnel problem if you ask me.

That is an epic ass. If I had an ass like that I would be tweeting about it all the time. I would make an Instagram account just for my ass, and load it with pics of my ass all day.

I come from a long line of No Ass Havers. There is nothing like the crisp snap of the ass of your pants flapping in the breeze on a blustery day.

When I go skating, the only badonkadonk you’ll notice is the sound of my head hitting the ice.