I bought a couch! And it’s mine! I chose it! I’m so excited. I saved up for it! Here it is:

So, I never day drink ever (I get tired and then it’s the middle of the day and I’m buzzed and IDK) but I decided to carpe diem and met a work friend and his friends for drinks at one. It’s fine! Don’t be so uptight, right? I got a little drunk on vodka with fresh squeezed lemonade that was lavender infused. So good!…

Today I adopted these badass little girls, so I’m loving the world.

Or aren’t qualified for. I mean every time I hear a Trump supporter say this I feel like yelling, “You’re too stupid & unqualified for these jobs you claim are being taken from you. These losers peaked in high school and didn’t get over it. Fuck them all.

Just waiting for Trudeau or Macron to welcome these girls to their country with open arms to compete and deliver a sick burn on Donald in the process. Also, waiting for the auto-erotic asphyxiation story for the member of the GOP who got off on these girls being denied admittance.

#stealingourjobs

Well, in defense of the current admnistration, they’re not only afghans, but also girls, and most certainly, they bleed, so much girls, so much blood, so clearly a threat. Also, insert FAKE NEWS and SAD.

Well, I know I feel safer here in this shining city on the hill, this beacon of freedom, this safe harbor for the wretched and yearning, this symbol that if you work hard you can achieve anything!

I always sing atonally to my pup, basically a singing narration if you will. “Goinnnnnn’ on a walk, yeah yeah yeah! Gonna not pulll OoOoOoOoOn the leash this tiiiiiiiiiimeeee” Usually a full-body shimmy is involved.

I once lived with a dog named Joey and I would sing the Concrete Blonde song to her at least daily.

I have found my people.

I’m laughing in my room thinking about that!

Stella Mayo is a freaking wonderful name for a dog

I love these! I had pizza for breakfast and starting singing “my body is a garbage caaaaaaaaannnn/I’ll use my hands”

One of my little joys in life is calling or seeing other adults call toddlers Sirs and Ma’ams, especially in reprimand. It’s so ridiculous that it instantly dials down my irritation level a notch.

My name is Jane, it always made me feel abit like an elderly librarian when I was a kid. It was always, Plain Jane, Tarzan & Jane, Dick & Jane, blah, blah, blah. Now that I am almost an elderly librarian I have an appreciation for my name.

Any song can be a pet song. My personal fave is Notorious C.A.T. with “kitty kitty kitty, can’t you see? sometimes your purrs just hypnotize me...”

LOL, I used to have a golden retreiver that looooved a song I made up about wistfully making the decision to be a slob and go commando for a day.

We are kindred spirits! My sister used to have this cat named Taka and we used to sing the rap from I Feel for You, “Taka, Taka Khan! Taka Kahn lemme rock you, lemme rock you Taka Kahn, etc. “

And if I a girl, Jane.