Let it be known that Dave McKenna’s contributions to this in Slack were the puns “Knoblauch that kick!” and “Shankiel.”

Vlade Divac is staffing five centers? Even for a Siberian that line up is husky.

Fetty WARP

Do Not Masturbate While Seated

need more Kazaam on Deadspin

QB Prospect: I’m really interested in having the opportunity to be drafted by your organization. I think the Dolphins provide the right environment for me to grow as a quarterback.

Ciara already tried a Future upgrade; it didn’t take.

THE HAT IS CLEARLY THE BEST.

But underneath the makeup, Iggy’s just a Wayans brother though, no?

This goes hand-in-hand with my favorite story from The Jordan Rules, the Sam Smith fly-on-the-wall book of the ‘92 season. Here’s the quote, from p. 130:

Friends say Philips lived by the golden rule.

Man, dude just can’t stop leading with the crown of his helemet, huh?

O ye of little faith...

Told Dad I was going to Grandma’s. Told Grandma I was going to Dad’s. Bing bang boom, eating spaghetti and meatballs for Thanksgiving and nary a fuck was given.

Reader Brandon sent me a list of every Gronk description on Deadspin a while back, which I’ve updated since then. Here’s everything we have:

Do black people serve jive turkeys during the holiday season?