Who has opposable thumbs and enjoys milking nipples all day?

Maybe he’s just very into buttalingus and he’s worried about performing the act on his beloved on a Friday during Lent.

He probably insulted Wick earlier and now he’s got to

Look, maybe he can’t shoot, but at least he plays lazy defense, doesn’t rebound, and has never averaged more than 2 assists per game.

Shelvin’ Mack

I’m honestly shocked the words “team control” didn’t appear in this article.

Greenland is covered with ice, and Iceland is very nice

Oh, it’s just Carl. Whew. That guy sucks. I thought for a second that Coral died because you posted a picture of him.

Man that is messed up, and right after he shoots Richie Incognito, I really think we need to take his guns away from him.

Last night, during her show Laura Ingraham Would Like To Speak To A Manager,

Hopefully people read the entire article because there’s an all time simmons paragraph where he compares the people in the Patriots scandal to the characters in Almost Famous, which sounds like something you would make up if you were trying to parody a simmons article.

My favorite Reggie Miller story is when he was jawing with Spike Lee and some crazed fan ran onto the court and threw a hot dog at him.

I think all the Spanish-speakers knew that anything with Lavar printed on it was going to be a wash.

I think the MVP is clearly Nikola Mirotic.  

We spend all these years fighting African Pirates, and now we’re supposed to celebrate them?

Sheed 2020!

Harambe died so Ken Bone could live.