I’m the real idiot because I assumed everyone bought/brought their own scrubs.

not just no, But HELL NO

Edit: do not do this.

As a prosecuting attorney, dear-fucking-god DO NOT talk to cops. Every time you speak, you make my job easier; my job isn’t supposed to be easy - that’s why the burden is beyond a reasonable doubt. When you admit to selling heroin to that junkie you just proved my case for me.

Yeah, but what if the officer says that he knows you’re probably a good kid, and doesn’t want to see you throw your life away? He says that if you’ll just drop the whole “silent thing” and work with him, he’ll do what he can to take care of you! Don’t you want to work with the guy and not throw your life away?

No, and he stated as much. You can be compelled with a warrant to use a fingerprint to unlock your phone, but the 5th Amendment means no one can make you enter a password or pin code (since that exists as information in your mind and producing it is roughly the same as producing speech that would be…

They have to get a warrant, but that’s not hard for cops. This is why you disable finger print unlocking and use a passcode and have your phone erase after multiple failed attempts.

Truly the best legal advice: be white. And rich if you can swing it.

** inapplicable if non-white

Start off by grabbing a httpstub of cottage cheese

Well, that flopped.

Personally, I found his tribute to Flight 370 incredibly touching.

Safe to say he might be experiencing some Malayse after this one

“The single worst thing that has ever happened to an Armenian”

Over tip everywhere you go. Send a donation to an abuse hotline. Box up that canned food and drop it off at the food bank. Buy a doggie bed for the dog shelter.

That was just really lovely. How much better would be if more people thought about doing the “human thing”? Especially if those people were in positions of power.

Judges’ humanity so often shows up in the news in the form of anger or spite or bias; it’s nice to see that there’s an upside to not replacing human judges with JusticeBots(TM) after all. (For one thing, JusticeBots(TM) would short circuit when they got all misty at this scene.)

Oh shit. Well, this definitely made me tear up, and now I don't know what to do with my Grinchy-ass self today, so...thanks?

Go away.