My beloved pet mouse died a few months ago. He was not the least bit afraid of my hands, and in fact loved LOVED being pet. He would close his eyes in contentment. Xeexee was a very special mouse, but he did exist.

Rubbish. Hammies are DA BEST! Look at this cheeky (hehe. hamster humor... shut up. it's totes a thing) picture!

Do rats have balls so huge they creep me out? Nope. Do they have a perpetual Sisyphus mechanism named after them? Nope. Is there a chance they will give me the bubonic plague? Probably not.

Rats don't stink!

True. But hamsters are also rather cute in pictures at least.

Damn, they all look alike to me.

I thought the same thing about guinea pigs. Then I learned people eat them. Then I saw a picture. If not for the pet association, the way they look like cooked would turn me off the concept of eating them.

But apparently only in Eurasia so my wiring is safe. That is assuming we've bred the ability to adapt to the wild out of pet hamsters leaving them incapable of of creating a feral population...fuck it. I'm getting an eagle just to be safe.

Yep. Begging to be out of the greys even though I've been commenting on Jezebel for YEARS.

Sorry but I have to go with hamsters > rats for not being invasive pests. I'd have to go get a hamster to have it end up in my house chewing up my wiring...

I want to get a rat but I think the cats might go after it.

Great. And all those years of making excuses as to why my hamsters and gerbils didn't work—why I was always the one putting money in their college funds—and it turns out they could have been working the whole time. Earning money for themselves! Pulling themselves up by their own tiny bootstraps!

Do hamster have a bunch of feral cousins that like to chew their way into my basement?

But can rats store things adorably in their cheeks? I don't think so.

Hooooooly shit I feel bad for laughing at this.

This new season of Twin Peaks is really freaking me out.

Do you work at like an Amish school or something?

Uterus-Free and Super Happy - I want to hear that song!