Once, I found Animal Crossing porn and I still haven't moved on. As erotic as mutual masturbation is, it can be undone by seeing cartoon racoons doing it.

It wasn't so much that I had to adjust to it being there. It was more that I had to stop sitting on my foot, like I normally do, because it made me super happy. It never got caught on anything. It just made me go through underwear faster than I normally would. I wanted to just stay home and that wasn't very productive.

OH GOD. OH GOD. Don't Google "squirtle porn" Why, internet, why? It was My Little Pony all over again.

Please tell me it wasn't about Squirtle.

Really? I will totally make sounds and occasionally say some words when I am alone. Womp womp.

My favorite boyfriend was really oral. I don't mean he was into oral sex as much as I mean that he would lick his lips and purse them as he got aroused (and his eyes got unfocused, which was darling). I stuck my fingers in his mouth and told him to do to my fingers what he wanted me to do to his cock. It worked well.…

I am so into other people's sexuality and I completely debrief after. I ask about how things feel, what works better, talk during/before/after. I love it!

Alisha's super power is that she can touch people and make them go into a sex frenzy. She is sex.

And we find ourselves arriving at mutual masturbation yet again. Yums.

I don't know that one should dry hump one's self. That might put the "nah" in onanism.

I support you in your desire for dry hump greetings. Be forewarned: often a search for dry hump cards nets you a lot of camel pics. Poor camels.

If there can't be dry humping and mad making out, then I'm out. There is this moment in early making out where, as a chick with a guy, you feel his erection pressing against your crotch through your clothes and it is lovely. There should be more greeting cards dedicated to this.

I served her food and coffee in Portland and I had to exercise my will to avoid mentioning her ANTM time. Then, when I freaked out after she left, no one knew what I was talking about.

I really loved Elise from cycle one shredding all the other girls.

I had a clitoral hood piercing for less than a year I think. It wasn't for very long. It was fascinating and inconvenient.

Well, now you are just showing off.

I feel like oral sex is generally a safe mind-reading bet.

Ummm...something about blow jobs?

I love Girl Talk. Stop being me.

I will stick with the classics.