Ah yes, pageant portraits — the uncanniest valley of them all. Hurrrrk.

She was originally going to go with Summer Eve, but decided that would be too douchey...

Uh, no.

Oh dear. I'm on the record, maybe here or just Twitter, as saying I generally find MillerCoors to be better than AB/InBev, which counts for ... something.

Congrats on not reading the article.

*has not have.... Looks like you didn't accomplish much in grade school.

Spend five years in prison.

HOW DO IT WALK

It looked like Mayweather did most of the talking

DAMN FACTS

INTERESTING THEORY

Oh brother. Please spare me from the hyperbole. We aren't any better than SA or Syria? You've got to be joking.

Well, the prostitute might have a family.

Friends say he's trying too hard

Reminds me of a really flashy, expensive basketball shoe. In a bad way.

10 speeds so you can throw your 10 speed in the back of your 10 speed dog.

It is a catch-all for behaviors that Jezebel doesn't like but can't necessarily be called sexist or racist.

Greased Mode.

I got an IM from a new dad who was over the moon that his daughter finally had taken to the bottle. I asked him what brand she drank so I could get a sixer for her. Silence.