I highly recommend Alex’s book Alone on the Wall (with David Roberts). He somehow makes you understand why he does what he does without any of the useless cliches such books are usually full of  

Hopefully you guys cars can help me out, but some basic physics tells me that gunning the engine and pushing on the top of an open trunk hood is not the right way to get out of this situation.

Maybe she’s the Kwisatz Haderach  

Pretty sure Dana White will be on the phone with these guys in 3...2..1...

Writes yet another Deadspin article about Nick Kyrgios. The point of this one being that Kyrgios isn’t worth writing about. OK. 

The SEC has decided that Musk himself is too big to fail. They can’t meaningfully punish him because doing so would tank the entire company, and they don’t want to do that. He could shoot somebody on 5th avenue and they wouldn’t touch him .

So here’s the game. You play an Uber driver trying to make some KuuRAAAAZY money picking up passengers and taking them to the KFC. Get an awesome licensed tune for the soundtrack and I’m in.

WTF Kansas. Shellfish. Other than certain religions, who hates shellfish? Then again, considering the quality of shellfish they get in Kansas maybe it makes more sense. 

Since Massachusetts is not “MANHATTAN clam chowda” I declare the map to be null and void. 

Coaches make so much money because there are vast sums flowing into college sports and they have to spend it all to be able to cry poverty as why they can’t pay players. 

At this point, I honestly believe NASCAR is actively trying to destroy itself. None of the changes NASCAR wan’t are desired by the fans, and none of what the fans what gets implemented. 

Better option: Recognize that boobs exists and that if you are uncomfortable with that, it’s not the waitress’ problem. Also, know that your waitress is not an idiot and already knows how much cleavage she’s showing. She doesn’t need to be mansplained about it. Finally, be open to the possibility that (1) your…

So you are saying I should’t pursue that job at Dunder Mifflin?

You gotta have somethin’ if you want to be with me

Ignoring the history issues for a second, Awkwafina is hilarious and I might just tune in to watch the show live for the first time in ages.

That car looks awesome. Signed, millions of pinewood derby builders. 

I don’t understand. Why does the NBA have against Diana Ross fans?

Because “the playoffs” are a great place to test a brand new race tract/concept. Ugh. Don’t get me wrong.... the problem isn’t the roval. The problem is the whole concept of playoffs. Get rid of it. And bring back manufacturer differentiated cars. NASCAR fans have been saying this loud and clear, and have been walking…

>> same reason the clams in spaghetti alle vongole are in their shells

His only possible defense is mental incapacity. If he had as ounce of sense, he would have checked into a rehab clinic the day after making that tweet. The crazy think about this case is that it doesn’t matter what he believed about the funding... it’s a criminal act either way.