Psh, whatever. I once won a round of jousting in American Gladiators on the NES with my hand over my eyes and I barely looked through my fingers, so... There you go.

Sounds sounds like a post bachelor party story, for some reason.: “There I was, just in my drawers, only 3 hearts left, facing the epic ass boss that I have never seen before....”

That POS couldn’t even kill a deer. Useless. I hope the deer stalks you and/or sues your ass.

whoa, Wichita is in California now?

Um, because he didn’t kill anyone. He can be charged with falsely reporting a crime, and possibly conspiracy to commit murder if the prosecutor is good enough.

I mean, falsely reporting a crime is something you can be punished for. And he probably will be.

In the eternally wise words of Papa Mean Gables, New Years Eve is amateur hour for going out. Bars are full of people with no goddam sense who don’t know how to be unobtrusively drunk in public (but who are fully committed to over-drinking), woo girls, bros, covers for bars that have no business charging a cover, and…

Governments spend billions of stadiums for private use here. We spend millions on our Olympians while turning a blind eye to the fact that every single medalist uses PEDs. We give anti-trust exemptions to leagues that rake in billions.

Why is it an “enormous” difference? Allowing corporate sponsors to finance it somehow makes it more ethical?

“And a shirtless Kylo Ren with a comically oversized chest.”

There was a period of time where I didn’t see any of your articles. I got my hopes up that deadspin had replaced you with a competent writer. Not necessarily a competent football writer...but a competent writer. I’m never getting my hopes up again

Yes, this is clearly a good piece of analysis and not some clickbait nonsense. Also, people who say great players are “butt” are generally smart and good and not intentionally saying something stupid. And finally, it’s great that Deadspin’s soccer coverage consists mostly of unedited blog posts about two men in Spain.

Saying that someone is “butt” in a particular competition based on 10 games, on the heels of a season with 25 goals in that competition, and 285 goals in the last 8 seasons, is really bad analysis.

Perhaps it wasn’t a rape.

No the Champion’s League is nothing like that.

Billy is that you?

The dollar will never tank as long as we have nukes. Period.

Oh, hey, look, another economic bubble created out of thin air by predatory hucksters who will coincidentally pull the rug out from under the whole scam when they’ve got their money, hanging everyone else out to dry.