For all of you who are commenting on punctuation instead of a nice gesture, you have my heartfelt sympathy. I have also contacted the local quarry in your area and they are insterested in chipping away at your stone heart's. OH and any gramar and's punctuatuon errors in this post are intentional,just's to piss you…

I had a guy named Lennie taking care of my rabbit but he was to rough. I hear his friend George took him to a nice place where he pet all the rabbits he wants.

Sure why not? Chicago had a murder castle for awhile. We do love us some murder.

#notallpalmlickers?

you are welcome to all of mine because, cantaloupe is foul.

If I could star this a million times I would. It's like a cult for some people. I hate the smell and one whiff sets off my gag reflex.

I love oceanic mucus, raw bean sprouts AND cantaloupe. So all there's really left to say:

Thank dog I am not the only one. I hate cantaloupe and am generally not picky about much else.

Nope, you can keep them. What I don't understand is why a lot of folks (like my mother-in-law) who love cantaloupe insist on pushing it upon folks who strongly dislike it? I can't even stand the smell.

I feel like this is now an acceptable response to the more ridiculous comments on Jezebel. EXCUSE YOU, I'M A VERY IMPORTANT PERSON. I SELL MONOGRAMMED COFFEE THERMOSES.

I immediately thought of MASH's Sidney Freedman.

you're confusing the organization of the church with the faith. It's ok. I get it. But funny thing is YOU don't get to define me. I do. The catholic faith speaks to my soul. The faith that allows for absolution, and comfort and grace. The faith that taught me, through wonderful dedicated nuns, priests and lay people,…

Jump back!

"*I legitimately pop a boner every time I think about how upset this fact is making Scott Walker and Paul Ryan right now."

Lieutenant governor. She said this when asked about gay marriage "This is a slippery slope in addition to that — at what point are we going to okay marrying inanimate objects? Can I marry this table, or this — you know, clock? Can we marry dogs? This is ridiculous. "

fuck yes WISCONSIN. So proud. Also that * is why I love you. Add Rebecca Kleefish to that too.

You have GOT to be shitting me. You really think that overweight people - ESPECIALLY women - don't know that other people notice? REALLY? You have got to be the dumbest fucker on the planet.

I am in a hotel in Washington, DC, and my boyfriend is taking a bath, reading. I barge in, demanding to know if all men are terrible, eyes blazing. He tries to calm me down, but I am upset.

Just imagine if Romney had won, and some misguided kid had sent a prom request to Ryan. She'd have gotten a rambling, 10-page diatribe back about the evils of prom sex and how it's far too expensive for him to take a girl to prom (fiscal conservatism! that money could be better spent on job creators!), along with an un…

Funny, because I long ago diagnosed HIM as a colon polyp.