So much credit to you for actually going out to see things. I got violently ill in Acapulco on spring break one year (as one does), and all I did was lie on the bathroom floor and pray for the sweet release of death.

Oh, sweet drugs. As a pharmacist and apparently a delicate flower, I travel with medication for every malady I have ever or could possibly come down with during the trip. One too many camping trips and sightseeing tours ruined by explosive diarrhea or surprise raging bladder infections. I love you, drugs.

This time ask your doctor for some Zofran to take with you, just in case.

I’ll add this to the “owns a suit” competency: Knows at least one way to tie a tie.

Accepts women’s explanations without challenge.

True. I was born in 82, so I’m on the old end of the millennial generation, and some of my friends are on the young end of gen x. Almost everyone in my social group who blabs about such things has had many more than 8 partners. Like, several multiples of 8 in most cases.

The average number of partners for Millenials is 8? Like ever? My friends and I must be making up for whole platoons of celibate-until-marriage fundies.

I haven’t had sex in like, 5 years (not for lack of offers) and I am totally okay with that. I mean god, I could be reading books! Playing with cats! Taking naps! Not interacting with humans!

I know people love to hate on cops, and for some legitimate reasons, but it’s cases like this that are a reminder of the horrors they have to deal with sometimes. I can’t even imagine what the responding officer(s) in this case must have felt as they came upon this scene. I would be haunted for life.

“I don’t know him.”

So much this.

I can push my upper lip up using my lower lip so that it completely blocks my nostrils, preventing me from breathing. That is the only face trick I have, although I suppose, in the spirit of the video, I should try something new.

16 Ribs - Besides all the reasons listed, who wants to deal with 5+ other people coming up and telling you how they make the “best ribs ever.” It’s bad enough you got a crowd hovering over you, silently judging your techniques while you flip burgers and hot dogs.

Ohmigawd Sean Biggerstaff. I only remember the actor’s name because 13 year old Artemis and her friends giggled maniacally over it for like, an entire year - but man was he pretty. Still seems to be, too:

A couple of years ago I was flying into Boston from London and was waiting at the luggage carousel while a beagle in a snazzy navy blue jacket and his handler, a tiny, sweet-faced Chinese-American lady, did the rounds, giving everybody a thorough sniffing. And he was such a good dog, so serious and so professional.…

Still holding out for Oliver Wood over here.

What on earth is an “escort card display”?

This long weekend (super-pasty Canadian here) I just went full out and sat under a straight-up rain umbrella all weekend. walked around with it, used it while sitting on the dock, etc.

Can we please just make parasols A Thing again? I have a gorgeous cream lace one with a UV blocking layer underneath. I want an excuse to buy more.