You're clearly wrong there, because McDs "salsa sauce" put up sides far before I got here.

Great. Now that I know what you mean, I feel perfectly justified in scoffing at your opinion.

I don't know what any of those words mean.

I'm judging you so hard. Sit there in your wrongness and feel wrong.

I'm not really surprised, since this is the sort of yankee nonsense that I expect from McDonalds. The only acceptable dipping sauce for mozzarella sticks is ranch, or, in dire straits, marinara.

Teh fuck is "salsa sauce"?

The secret is that John Stamos is wearing his personal chain mail. He hasn't aged since it was given to him in the fourteenth century.

When asked for a response, a spokesbee said, "Oh honey, why d'you gotta drone on? Can't you just buzz off?"

"Sexual heeler?" Pun, or Freudian typo?

Always happy to talk about boners.

You know the feeling you get from stretching out your muscles in the morning that's kind of tense but immensely satisfying? Combine that with a sexy person rubbing your shoulders and the extra thoughts in your brain slowly disappearing and you've got yourself a boner that feels good.

Hmmm. A beard mistress? Is that a thing?

And here I thought it was just to emphasize their breasts.

...there are penguins in the Arctic?

...are bread and lemons no longer food?

Look, there's no response that I can make to that that isn't going to sound supremely bitchy. But I think, in fact, that I have brought my points up in a non-accusatory, nonjudgmental manner. And I also think, quite strongly, that it really isn't okay to represent this ad as "new" or as "of the week" as the the…

My comment is only frivolous if you think that this ad is somehow, now, two months later, newsworthy, when many other websites discussed it in June when it was new. You didn't even acknowledge that Eli Lieb, noted queer artist, wrote the song for the video. If you had made it obvious that you had just discovered the…

But maybe we don't call it "Part of Allstate's new LGBT Campaign, the new advertisement""

Y'all. This ad is not new. I appreciate that it's a queer metaphor, but this ad is from June.

They did seem genuinely surprised when I told them that I (a man) had indeed been the one to donate.