If you are a penguin and feeling suicidal, please call 1800-226-8359. That’s 800-CAN-TFLY.

I would think that dick would be hard as a rock right now.

That’s touching.

I’m the daughter of a father, so I more than understand.

as a sister of one brother I appreciate it a fair amount.

Getting tackled by a girl is nothing to be ashamed of. Now getting tackled by a kicker...

so thats what a seventh degree burn looks like...

The Chargers finally got Bosa...

Nobody expects the Spanish friend tradition.

You can see why it’s hard for Trump. This is accurate:

Meanwhile, on the other side of the pool...

They filmed Rocky V in 1989. This supports my theory that Rocky V will give you AIDS.

This. Now THIS is some intelligent, high-level trolling.

Third eye open, well done.

WAIT YOU MISSED A GOOD ONE:

That’s a hefty contract. I guess there was no way the Bronco’s were gonna get Miller lite.
I guess now that he’s getting all the money he’ll be living the Miller High Life.
I guess this was a real Miller Genuine Draft 64 Lemonade???

Maybe I shouldn’t have tried for a third one.

“Make America great again!”

That will be called Canada