do not feed the troll, ohhh wait she wouldn’t eat anyways

Dear Melissa McCarthy:

Ok so I just read the Kevin Smith story & immediately came to comment that it actually brought a tear to my eye. I swear I’m not usually such a sap, but he seemed so genuine in the description of that interaction. I wish more people, not even celebrities, would have that “never pull this entitled bullshit” attitude.…

I never heard of Kevin Smith before and a look at his wikipedia entry told me I also have never seen one of his movies. But he named his daughter Harley Quinn and I think that’s all I need to know.

*starts reading the first one*

It was because he couldn’t stand not to be an asshole. He did something really nice but that is so contrary to his true nature he had to make up for it with a shitty comment, maybe because he wouldn’t be able to get his dick hard enough for whomever he fucked later that night.

Loved all these stories, especially the kevin smith and Colonel Sanders ones, because 1) the kevin smith story shows he is obviously an awesome human being, and 2) Colonel Sanders must have had a bionic hand if he dipped it into a vat of gravy.

Salman Rushdie, I’m So Sorry sounds like the name of Fall Out Boy’s next number one song.

It reads like my... I mean someone's KFC fanfic.

I missed waiting on Willem Dafoe twice this summer, at the cafe I work at (probably for the best, since I would’ve probably turned every shade of Pantone red before saying something weird and embarassing). But by all accounts, he is one of the nicest customers ever.

So my cousin is an astronaut and was the NASA consultant for The Martian. He is now friends with Matt Damon. I watched this press conference for the movie that my cousin participated in, and Damon is so humble and says how we really need to applaud NASA, not actors. I thought it was pretty neat!

Let’s all make a promise that when/if we become famous, we will all be Kevin Smith Famous.

I have been told that Kurt Russell is a good tipper, also they are filming the mall rats sequel AT MY MALL I'm so excited!!! Yay Kevin smith!!

Wait, so Kevin Smith goes around at night carrying $4000+ in cash? I mean WHAT?

Freakin’ Kevin Smith. What a mensch. Doesn’t surprise me in the least.

Kevin Smith sounds like a nice guy. That’s great.

“You and I? We both live in botox-ed houses so...”

ok, this is scarier than stories posted here

I woke up one night screaming in terror because I had a dream that Donald Trump started to make sense.