“Tell me what I have to do.”

The Jack Reacher novels remain the filthiest of guilty pleasures of mine, and I include my occasional visits to PornHub when I say that.

That’s what killed Bill Hicks in his early thirties. A particularly ironic death, because most people probably assumed he was going to die of lung cancer.

It’s insane that the A.V. Club didn’t include the undisputed best “listen to this song to get yourself in the mood to beat someone’s ass” song of all time:

Nerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd!

You know, Kraven The Hunter! The C-list Spider-man villain who wears an entire lion for a vest, like a sort of uber-buff Mr. Burns? Most famous for 1987's Kraven’s Last Hunt, where he beats Spidey within an inch of his life, buries him alive, then runs around in his costume before happily shooting himself in the…

I can’t wait to see how many of those 20 people end up being murdered during the Zoom call.

“Summer is cancelled if you are.”

I know, right?  There are any number of reasons why the moon landing couldn’t possibly be fake.  It’s a low bar, but congratulate yourself on being less dumb than seven-deuce.

Don’t kick yourself, Tyler ‘Bio’ Rodriguez: it’s okay to be dumb while you’re still a teenager.

Are you really going to pretend that Joe Rogan has actually has “grown” from believing, at the age of 39, that he believed that the moon landing was fake?

At the age of 39, Joe Rogan was arguing that the moon landing was faked. This is the sort of utter stupidity that people don’t come back from unless they spend a good five years carefully recovering, but Rogan didn’t do that, because he’s too stupid to know just how stupid he actually is.

Stay safe, Perfect Engine. You and I and Dino Ironbody can dismiss that troll, whoever that is.

Oh. Oh, this is so sad.

As far as I can tell, brain tumors aren’t a symptom of COVID-19, but I am not a doctor. But it’s entirely possible that you are suffering from a condition that is completely unrelated from the current pandemic.

What’s the “pretense”?

I did, and Ang Lee’s Hulk is easily one of the best Marvel superhero movies that’s been made. If you think that the other Marvel movies are actually good in comparison, talk to your doctor, even now with COVID-19 running rampant, and make sure that you don’t have a brain tumor.

I think that’s only because the studios are aiming their products to the least common denominator.

When are Emily and Gordon going to settle their differences and end their ongoing legal battles?