Neat.

You were in the goddamn Slack in which I clearly laid out that I have never listened to Phish in my life you troll.

think draper likes phish already

I got so high with these nice people who picked me up while I was hitchhiking one time, and they played me some Phish, and I was like, “I feel the music ...”

LaDell Betts! I remember him.

In a related story the Yankees announced they will be adding a $50 “We’re not dead yet” surcharge to tickets for remaining home games this season.

I hope you burn in hell.

Quesadilla sandwich, which is two quesadillas with avocado and salsa in between.

At what point will this pass far enough behind us that I can say I think his hair is stupid?

Yes, you nailed it. It has been very well-documented that Deadspin has a clear pro-ND bias.

I hear we picked up Ashley Feinberg in the contraction draft. Good five tool writer, a bit of a GLORY GIRL though.

The No. 2 won the Money In The Bank ladder match. Therefore guaranteeing himself a shot against No. 1 whenever he wants. Pretty common knowledge, if you ask me.

I don’t know what happened! I did what I do every morning: head over to the local Bob Evans and have a server force feed me a vat of sausage gravy through a tube while the hostess loosens my anus with a series of vicious kicks from her tiny, slip-resistant-shoe-covered feet.

And now he’s going to be disqualified for having the runs.

I hope they’re keeping all of the Deadspin-related verticals. This guy may not be a fan of the Deadspin homepage anymore, but at least he can still come on the Concourse.

I don’t get it. Touching hands is a lot less physical contact than getting your ass handed to you.

Listen, I’m just glad you overcame your stroke and can use a keyboard again. I’m sure your tastebuds will come back eventually.

Zachary D. Manprin: Cardinal Fan or Schiano Man?

I honestly think this is the single worst comment in the history of Deadspin.

That takes some serious courage, to admit being an umpire.