As a rape victim, I want to slap the shit out of some of these commenters.

I have no desire to get married, but...I've planned out pretty elaborate vacation scenarios I may never even go on. I've pretended I'm being interviewed for a book I haven't even finished writing yet. I'm pretty sure fantasizing about stuff is a decidedly normal thing to do...why is it somehow worse because it's a…

OK the way you're throwing around "sensible" like anyone who doesn't think like you somehow is not, really isn't cool.

not for me. This was over a messaging service, not a board meeting. I found it humanizing, and more am convinced the mom is horrified. "Shit" doesn't shock me. She didn't place (on the girl)or try to get out of blame(on her son, or even herself really). That looked like a good parenting response to me.

Seriously, 0% of that was in the text of what she wrote. I spent a couple of minutes rereading your comment, then hers, then yours, then hers, wondering how to break down each point, and which comment do I start with... then I gave up. Because nothing you wrote had anything to do with anything she wrote, so there's no…

It's not about warding off his evil nature, but rather counter-acting all the messages he may get from society/his peers.

Because they are trained by our culture to do those things, hence counter training is needed. That's not sexism, it's practical. Then, we teach girls not to do the harmful things they get taught too - like not saying no when they mean yes, not going along with the boys, etc.

Everything I said is extremely general. I don't have a clue where you are getting from that quote "do all that planning." I didn't realize that thinking "hmm, an outdoor venue is nice" is the same as putting down a fucking deposit. "Planning" non-negotiables means saying "I am not religious and do not want a religious…

Um. "Hey son, did you do this thing this stranger is accusing you of?"

I'm not sure that's a fair assessment of what buttersideup was saying...

I honestly say, ESPECIALLY at performance art, if you say anything goes, why doesn't everything go? I really believe he consented upfront. Everyone can change their mind and that should be respected. Did he indicate in any way to the woman that what she was doing was not ok?

Who cares if people fantasize about shit? Weddings aren't my thing (I like going to them but planning one sounds like a pain in the ass) but I do spend a lot of time working out the details of my future as a Sicilian mafia wife who can teleport.

For me, it's just because it can relieve stress to plan a huge fantasy party. The wedding is probably the one big party most women can have, so it's attainable enough but still a fantasy.

If we called it Fantasy Wedding and had leagues and teams, maybe it would go over better.

Cue a million comments from self-righteous blowhards who want to gloat over their more-feminist-than-you $5 gluten-free courthouse wedding, while pontificating about how anyone who doesn't get married in a Chuck E. Cheese on coupon night while wearing a potato sack as a dress is a regressive princess monster who will…

Sounds like fantasy sports to me.

First, I think there's nothing wrong with looking at all kinds of things. I mean, I look at dresses online at night. It's my "night cheese" that I like to work on. It's relaxing to look at these different designs and plan what I might want to wear to some future event. I want to imagine how great I'd look in that…

You must be fun at parties.

why can't you be both a career woman and one who likes pretty things and has a fantasy party planned? What other event in your adult life allows you to go nuts with flowers, fantasy gowns, professional lighting, ect? For some people it is just fun to think and plan and look. It doesn't have to mean something deep and…

I absolutely agree. I doubt I'll ever get married but fantasy is nice and something about it, I donno, relaxing. I maybe only think about a wedding once or twice a year, usually when really stressed out. I do as you do, plan everything and even pretend book stuff. I've picked our dresses out, picked out…