You know, I would have totally agreed with you about 6 months ago, but then I watched the movie Bernie and realized that he does have real, actual talent lurking inside. I think his performance deserved an Oscar nod. It was a restrained, nuanced exceptional performance and I can't even believe I just typed those words…

"Bar bar bar", that's all I can make of your heathen, bare-foot-on-the-furniture approving script

aaaaand a million other things. It's just another Pandora's Box scenario.

My dad's an easy-going chap but he hates those bucket boys. He was on the Red Line and the bucket boys were on hammering away. Other passengers were getting annoyed so my dad said something. They started mouthing off and one swung at my dad. My dad cold-cocked him and the others took off. My dad was coming back from a…

I thought Spencer Pratt too, but it seemed to witty to be him.

I don't care what people say, I think Taylor Swift is adorable.

That some prison level snack innovating.

The only men that I have ever had offer an opinion about my shoes were gay.

By squeamish you mean - not a rampaging barbarian?

I can't deal with long toenails. I can't.

Those toenails are REVOLTING.

Men do not give a shit.

Really? Even if you have a diaper bag with you and a blanket you could wipe it on then wash?

CLOSE YOUR MOUTH WHILE EATING, people of the world!

Ughhh this is so gross pretty much no matter whose hands she was doing it to, but TODDLER hands?! Actually the grossest.

In other meat-rod related stories. My wife and I boarded a non-stop flight from Seattle to JFK and I got the window seat because I appreciate the wonderment of the world below and my wife likes to eat a bunch of pills and pass out. A man sat down on the aisle seat, seemed like a normal quiet dude. He thumbed through…

Look, if it had been such a scenario, I wouldn't have posted about it. The mom had food for herself because she was eating it on the train. It was a banana, and I specifically didn't post that because I didn't want anyone to think I was trying to judge the mom on what she fed the kid versus what she fed herself.

There's just something about food on public transportation that grosses me out. This was so next level.

Add one more husband to that group...

Your husband and my husband would get along just fine.