Mortimer or Randolph?

Hey, hey, hey, tom, hey, tom, hey...quit leaving the Sudan, proliferation of processed meats, human trafficking, honey bee extinction, and the “Search for Richard Simmons” out of the conversation. Some human you are...

Bort.

Pro tip: pre-rip your underwear, kid.

Verne ages like 25 years with his glasses off. And he already looks 85.

My God, those jowls!

This is pretty much how I picture the Deadspin offices. At least the singlet part.

I sometimes talk to the cat in an Irish accent because I like how confused his little face looks. It’s like he’s worried I’m having a stroke or something.

The special tonight is split pea soup.

That looks like the most non-athletic play at the plate that I’ve ever seen.

Apparently the Buss family hasn’t learned the lessons of the Treaty of Verdun.

I haven’t seen a kid slap away balls like that since a party at Neverland Ranch in the 80s.

You call that a spear?

Cats: Marc Meron (amusing, introspective, cantankerous)

Yahoo: “We were hacked!”

I think it’d be easier to list sports talk shows worth watching:

You don’t get the show.

YOU DON’T GET THE SHOW! *GONG*

Le Batard is NOT a sports talk morning show.

Pro-tip for producer-censors and audio-bleepers: get the dump button ready anytime he begins a sentence with “There was a time...”