I drill my artisanal ice holes using nothing less than the finest vintage hand augers. Using a DeWalt? Disgusting! Why not take a shit on the ice while your at it.

Agreed. $169 is to expensive. That’s why I usually make my own homemade vibrators and give them as gifts.

I would pay actual money to see a tape of the room when his lawyers saw these tweets.

“I told all you fuckers”

Only a real Asshole would threaten to drop Bombs at a Call of Doodie tourney.

I think my favorite part of these is all the ‘sent from my BlackBerry on Edge Wireless’ signatures.

That and depending where you are, urgent care will probably see you quicker. I was vomiting blood a few weeks ago and the ER wait was crazy, they made me pee in the cup for the pregnancy test before they would even give me IV saline. Fucking Alabama, jfc.

Having been part of a major corporation and have seen 8+ rounds of layoffs I can tell you that you ALWAYS do it this time of year. If you company has an annual year that ties to the calendar year, there are many reasons you need to execute this at the end of your 4th quarter.

To every college alumni booster who voted these Republicans into office:

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (takes a drink of water) AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I’m actually in pretty decent shape. She doesn’t really work out so she diets, but if I get good stuff like pizza and wings, she joins in. So for her not to eat shitty I can’t and it’s fucking bullshit

Aside from name, that card is objectively awful. It looks like one of those Soviet era photoshops when they “erased” members of the politburo.

I would posit that if you have your shirt tucked into Khaki shorts, whatever activity you are engaging in cannot be called stage diving.

Gott im himmel!

“You think the clock is your ally. You merely manage the clock. I was born in it. Confused by it. I didn’t use the run until I was already a man, by then it was nothing to me but BLINDING. Challenges betray me, because they belong to you.”
-B̶a̶n̶e̶ Andy Reid, seconds before breaking a Kit Kat over his knee

Ice? not frozen milk, right? You’re a Monster.

Ironic trigger alert.

only if his name was Jake?

That’s just wrong. The dog is terrified

Boy, I’m really glad this wasn’t a Van Gundy follow-up