AHHHHHH

I played Spanish Inquisition with my Barbies when I was but a wee Nova. I ended up decapitating a bunch of them and burying them in the backyard. My sister kids found part of a doll head once and brought it to me, I was then lectured by a six year old that I was not very good to my toys and should take better care of…

I remember my brother and me holding a wedding between Poda, his stuffed polar bear, and Christmas, my stuffed snow leopard. Then Poda was tragically lost from a hotel room, likely perishing in an industrial-sized laundry machine or wherever hotel sheets go. Poor Poda. Poor Christmas. So in my experience, play…

Wendi and Putin are kind of the amazingly terrifying power couple that only exist in spy movies (where they are then quickly routed by Tom Cruise/Chris Pine/Daniel Craig), proving that Russia is once again stranger than fiction.

I like most seaweed, but “tastes like fish nightmares” almost made me lose my mouthful of coffee!

Boo! I actually bought some of those and had to return them because the fit is weird on me. Why is it so hard to find straight leg pants?

Having suffered years of sexual abuse from my own father and being too afraid to tell anyone, the fact that this young woman had the strength to tell a trusted adult speaks VOLUMES about her. I wish I could hug her and tell her how brave she is.

I think a lot of them legit don’t think date rape happens and if you are not screaming for help or crying bloody murder it is not rape just sex you regret.

One of the Imam i know once told me,

You sincerely believe I’m a catch?? Wow I’m so lucky, I can’t wait to tell my mom I’ve found a great partner who not only believes that individual financial security is important, but also that in the case we don’t work out that we can break off our marriage by each retaining our original assets.

My mom has a friend- we’ll call her Christine - who revealed to my mom that her great great grandmother had started a box of cash of “just in case” money. She, over time, would put change, and any spare money she could get away with not forking over to her husband in the box and hide it. Before she died she passed…

Absolutely right. I am learning this the hard way by watching my 60 year old mother going through a tough divorce. She was a stay at home mom, and basically gave up any earning potential she had in the corporate world to stay home with us. Last year my dad had an affair and what seems like a mid-life crisis. He left…

The best part is the design that I chose for the card says “JOY” in huge letters right underneath her “please kill me now” stare. Hahahaha.

I think mine might be up there with the most messed up. It also isn’t especially light-hearted and involves some pretty bad language. You’ve been warned.

Where’s one of those stretchy snap ‘n’ grab hands when you need one? I wonder if they’re still A Thing in those crappy toy vending machines.

DOES ANYONE HAVE A SELFIE STICK AND SOME GUM?! QUICKLY NOW!

C’mon. I can have a raging ladyboner over P&P and still not want to give myself pneumonia wearing a wet tissue-paper-thin dress.