omfg I saw the picture before I read the title and thought Maggie Smith had died and almost LOST MY MIND

Hodor!

How big is the overlap between concussion symptoms and extreme hangover symptoms?

That was a fairy costume for a Halloween party.

It was her quinceañera.

Because Jeeeeesus! And baaaaaabies! And WARGARRRBL

Oh, wordsmiths! They use cute little expressions like "you will die at my feet" all the time! Doesn't mean a thing! Definitely doesn't mean that this person is disturbed and possibly dangerous!

Stealing “fuck that shit right in the eye” for myself. Genius.

Buy my app, bobby. I offer daily inspirational quotes like:

(the app, not Saint Bobby)

A Browns quarterback has the job security of a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.

That poor Roomba crawled through five hundred yards of shit smelling foulness I can’t even imagine, or maybe I just don’t want to. Five hundred yards... that’s the length of five football fields, just shy of half a mile.

I found this on tumblr, but like yeah, same.

You saying you have a problem with holographic doctors?

Listening to Hanson’s MMMBop while reading this was satisfying.

impossible I don’t want to it’s hard the white out container got white out on the sides and now it’s stuck closed and I have to try real hard to open it.

And so sayeth the Lord, don’t throw it whilst thou has time on the clock and Beast Mode in Thy Huddle.