Graduated college and immediately bought a house? This story cannot be real.

I swear Trump says “let go” about 5 seconds in, but you know he’s the one that won’t let go like there’s some sort of reward for being the one to free the other person from this awkwardness.

I think he’s trying desperately to stay in France, because he’s dreading coming back to the US to face an unending parade of scandals and humiliations. All he’s got to look forward to is day after day cloistered in his office, watching Fox News ignore the dumpster fire that is his administration.

{sigh}

And everyone knows he meant, “for your age.”

His wife is so pretty. I wonder how much Trump vodka she needs to drink to be able to handle having sex with a trump?

It’s only women though that get treated like this. Men are thought of warriors and so brave of them to talk about it. So tired of the patriarchal society.

I fucking LIVED for these. When I was in middle school my greatest joy was reading this column, and I still remember finding a stack of old Seventeens in my aunt’s house from the last decade and flipping back to read this column. Fuck, these illustrations are provoking a visceral reaction, I feel like I’m 12 again.

His latest tweets state he’s way too busy to watch teevee, people! Trying to plug all the holes in leaky Junior, probably. What a fucking laughingstock he and his idiot spawn are making of this country.

In a just country Fox News would be burned to the ground, without trial. Since we do not live in that country, they should continue to be just fine no matter how low they sink.

I got Tiff, which considering the options I’ll take as a win.

Its probably Adderall.

Let’s not forget that Junior is quite the physical specimen, with possibly the physical abilities of this guy, depending on whether he used weights or not. he really is the peak of physical perfection.

What? No “I killed a fucking endangered animal with a gun” photos?

I’d like to think “oh he did this because he’s stupid” but honestly I think he did this because 1: they’re fucking untouchable at this point and 2: his supporters don’t give a shit, they see nothing wrong with it. When Trump said that he could fucking shoot people and not lose any supporters, he meant it. Strap in,…

Yeah, feet are like like a fetish starter pack item. Even water sports are pretty vanilla as kinks go these days. I feel bad for the guy, hope he can get his career back on track.

I know, right? A foot fetish is almost vanilla.

As someone who studies cultural anthropology and took several human sexuality classes this is seriously the biggest non-issue I’ve ever heard of. A foot fetish could be one of the most common kinks out there.

BUT IS THE SHIPLAP OK!?!??!?!?!

No one cares about college rowing but like Donald Trump Jr., I rowed in college. (He was on the team at Penn for 1 year.) The standard by which rowers are judged is 2000 meters on the Concept 2 ergometer. The slowest guy on our team went 6:48. He was 5'10", 171lbs and iron deficient. Still, that score is butt. Donald…