I’m 10 weeks pregnant, too! I’m just mad Beyoncé is stealing our thunder.

I’m hoping you’re being sarcastic. I teach in Florida and they don’t want to pay for anything, except to create standardized tests.

Now I’m picturing a bunch of pregnant women in zombie makeup marching on Washington. Would it work? Nah, but it would be amazing.

My female gynecologist always has a nurse attend during exams and paps. I like the nurse so it’s not awkward.

I got up to use the bathroom and my boyfriends dog stole my spot.

I assume they’re from Hopeless Valley.

They Might Be Giants also did some music for Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

I like how he only had 2 options- be passive or tell him to shut the fuck up. He couldn’t have changed the subject? Silly me, assuming “journalists” know how to have “conversations” and know they can control the direction they go in. Donald loves to brag, there was nothing else Billy could have talked about?

When a guy sends me an unsolicited dick pic, I talk about everything in the picture EXCEPT the dick. “I like your sheets.” “What football game is that?” “Is that a Comcast remote?” I love to see their reaction.

I only ate pistachio ice cream from cold stone creamery and then had bright green poop.

Supposedly he was bragging about this conversation at the Olympics. Someone who doesn’t like him dug it up to ruin him.

I once heard on a good a pug smells like corn chips and on a bad day it smells like a shrimp boat.

I just assumed they had an issue with fundamental truths that serve as the foundation for a system of belief or behavior or for a chain of reasoning.

My sister sent me this today, saying clowns are threatening to kill all teachers and “principles” in Palm Beach county, Florida.

I work at a school and we had to go into a code red (shooter) because someone robbed a store and was hiding in the neighborhood across the street. He was caught and didn’t come near the school but these types of drills are necessary to be prepared for anything.

This. I have a friend who watches YouTube videos of “miracle” weight loss products and wants me to help her get them. I spend 5 minutes googling them and realize no credible source says to use them and there are usually bad side effects.

I grew up in Rhode Island in the late 80s and we had a local park with empty woods behind it that had a killer clown urban legend.

My pug only does the head tilt for familiar names. Im a fan of pugception.