have a gift, friend. So tiny. So cute.

this one is my all time favorite. it’s really satisfying :)

Jesus, Bobby. Go charge your phone.

But tell me how you REALLY feel about Zack Braff. Because I’m not clear on that :)

It’s perfection.

Wow. Just. I’m not sleeping for... ever.

Oh god, I remember hanging on to the sides of the toilet as I shat what felt like a 2 liter bottle. After breaking my foot, the fucking painkillers I got clogged me up, but also made me forget that I hadn’t pooped in forevs, so when I finally did realize, oh hey no poop for 7 days, that stool softener didn’t do shit.…

Waiting for the day that seeing his tear stained face whining at the injustice of it all doesn’t make me happy. It’s not today.

If a dude ever tried to make me choose between the pot and him, i’d be all:

Nevar forget.

Please sir may I have some more?

my reactions to this news in chronological order:

Yeah. I hear you on that! I was devastated when my Gran died, she was my rock. Her 2nd husbands children called the very next day, like when’s the will gonna be read - need the money blablabla. I told them off, in words Gran would have been horrified I used, and advised them they get nothing. They got bank when their…

It’s totally weird, because normal Steve is, well, Buscemi, but in Res Dogs, I just have the strangest lady boner for him. It’s hate boner, because he’s such a dick to the waitress, but a boner none the less.

I would be a dick to someone who told the entire world I was mental, too. Like, uhm, no dude. Honestly, Burt and Jon seem like two peas in a shit pod. This is all I got for those two.

CLOSED TOE heels, (OMG WHAT IF SOMEONE SAW YOUR SEXY SEXY TOES!!!!)

I was super bummed that the plate my Dr put in my foot after I broke it a few years ago started shifting and causing me tremendous pain when I wore anything but my Nike’s. Then I realized- hey now I have valid, medical excuse not to wear heels. Score. Paid my co-pay, got a doctor’s note and dared the executives to…

Your laces look like the strings on used tampons.