Messing around with Cousins rarely ends well.

Fast food is filled with salt. Salt is a preservative. That’s what it’s supposed to do.

I’m not sure if I liked that game because it was good or if it was the 90s.

N2o?

Crystal Method? Is this a PS1 game?

I’m a top 10 NFL QB. I think unions suck and we need to make America great again. I have more to say but I have to be anonymous. My wife would kill me and I have a game coming up.

I am both humbled and aroused.

DUKE ENDS INDEFINITE BACKPACK AND LOCKER ROOM SUSPENSION AFTER JUST ONE HOUR

Um no. If I were elected President, I would piss off everyone in DC on day one by having a quick and small inaugeration followed immediately by a thorough review of the government’s budget and asking some damning questions to those in charge.

I like how this piece goes from smooth, collected annoyance to fuck it fuck this fuck everyone fuck fuck fuck.

Let’s meet back here in four years to see how this fucking bet pays off.

Gabe should run for President. Seems right up his alley considering the terms stop at 2.

“Schneider was nominated for a 2000 Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actor, but lost to Jar-Jar Binks.”—Roger Ebert

I’ll only believe it’s a Hitchhiker’s Guide reference if there was a bowl of petunias somewhere nearby.

What can I say? I can’t resist a golden opportunity.

And sometimes with one another.

It happens in a lot of families. Happened to me actually. You achieve some measure of success and the rest of your lazy, stupid, embittered family hates you for it.

Reminds me of the last fight I got in. This guy at a bar was looking at me. So I said, “What the fuck you looking at asshole?” He looks at me and says, “Nothing.” I stood up. “Damn right, you better not be.” This guy had no business fucking with a guy like me, so I said, “ You have no business fucking with a guy like…

I’ve always wondered why Darius Rucker never put out a solo album entitled “Hootie Is My Slave Name”