The political fanfiction scene is in for one helluva night.

This reminds me of the time my middle school drama teacher ran over my friend's foot and then bribed her with ice cream to make her feel better (not tell a fucking soul).

What this list has taught me:

Actually, Planet Fitness was the only gym where I lost a significant amount of weight (around 25-30 pounds), more than Curves, 24, LA Fitness, and the Y. Here's why:

#WOW should be a hashtag

Damn. And here I thought the reveal would be that Harry Potter is actually the illegitimate lovechild of Lily Evans and Severus Snape.

I was so happy when I read this in her book. I thought I was a fucking weirdo but writing topless is the best thing on the planet. Especially if you're big-boobed and the weight they haul pulls down your bra straps and brings ache to your shoulders. The moment I realized I could write topless (and braless) at home was…

Let's really up the douche-o-meter. I'd like to point out that in Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas Kirk Cameron might not be possessive. Rather, Kirk Cameron meant it as Kirk Cameron Is Saving Christmas.

I've never seen a Hollywood shindig with so many celebrities I either adore, admire, respect, or all three.

I wouldn't say a lot of people make this "detox" fad as horrendously trendy as all those other bullshit trends to lose this or gain that, but as far as self-help attempts go, wanting to replace the hamburger and fries chocolate milkshake you usually chug down with green vegetables, which are arguably better for your…

YES. Seriously. Yes.

Except only 7, 6, 5, 4 years ago J-Lo was getting fat, irrelevant, and everyone was taking a shot at her.

Case in point. I was making fun of Lorde's consideration of the term. -_-

If your children are watching Sons of Anarchy than your complaint is null and void and long overdo.

I really don't even care for Kim Karashian, though that shoot was so SLAY, but I love Lorde in this. She's like everyone's friend minus the boy trouble.

THEY ALL LOOK SO DEAD IN THE EYES! Also, I feel grody. This whole thing was way too suggestive for a gaggle of thirteen year olds. Worse still is that their "audience" seems comprised entirely of seven year olds. It's like an ouroborus chain of molesty vibes.

"And even after having my eyeballs sliced open with a teeny saw and lasered, I"—

I hated being a teen. Classmates used to joke that I had the mindset of an old lady which I did and still do. So shit most teenagers worried themselves over or cared about I didn't give a shit. I just wanted to go home and sleep and, for that, I was ostracized.

That looks painful and uncomfortable. Fuck that.