He’s pissing in the corner of God’s house now.

And technically, bullshit is stool.

What if the apology is the satire?

Satirception

This is the best news I’ve heard all day. There is no one who is potentially more vengeful, petty, and vicious than Cohen could be. Once Cohen figures out he is entirely on his own, it could go one of two ways: he could button up to prove his loyalty and love, or he could go rabbit-in-the-stew-pot.

I totally empathize with the professor. Dating Brad Pitt only to end up being forced to talk on the phone all day is exactly the kind of horrible luck I would have too.

“Adrian Grenier Is Mad at Starbucks for a Different Reason”

Who is this clown and why am I still in the greys and he’s not?

Stereogum’s headline about the Bernie Sanders/Cardi B tweets:

Take a civics class, you morons. Potus is well within his rights to fire Mueller [You mean Rod Rosenstein] A 2 year investigation [Mueller was appointed 11 months ago] that’s turned up no actual Russian collusion [19 people and three companies have been indicted or pled guilty so far]. He should’ve been fired a long…

I can’t ever hear Pat Benetar without added Ryan to the end of We Belong.

Katy is that hot dumb girl from high school who’s insecure about being perceived as dumb, who really, really, really wants you to know she reads. She posts a bunch of photos on social media like this one with captions like “Love reading!!!”, “Literally my favorite thing in the world!”

Taylor swift just tweeted that she has never had a cavity ever in her life, and included a picture of herself with Jeff Bezos reading her the Washington post.

Oh my God, if I masturbated in front of a colleague exactly no one in my industry would be ruminating over whether my sacking was a bit harsh. Because my industry is mostly sane.

Exactly! Why not use the other end of the spectrum as the measure of normalization?

Methinks they’re confusing being teased with being bullied. Everyone is teased at some point or another.

Not regardless youre trying to cast doubt on what she aacomplished today. Curious did you ask this about the miracle on the Hudson? Obviously not or youd already have your answer so I wonder what is different about those two pulots that makes you doubt her?

Here’s the thing...he’s going to come back...that’s a certainty...so you can choose not to watch him or pay attention, but he’s going to follow the exact same PR devised return that has happened a million times...he’ll start performing in clubs...he might get a small voice part in an animated film...he’ll say he’s…

Plus, what about all the banks I DIDN’T rob?

The consensus is that while his behavior was clearly wrong it was not at the level of a Harvey Weinstein, James Toback or Bill Cosby.