Jesus tapdancing Christ, Deadspin; the guy was asked a question and he answered it with effusive praise for Heyward, whom I daresay he knows a bit better than you or I do, and provided a charitable theory for why Heyward would prefer the Cubs (other than the real reason which was “Star Wars money in 2018”), and you…

He should be made to forfeit this on principle.

The pilfered canned peaches and fermented prunes really give it a complex body.

I think they sell used tattoo equipment at the prison canteen, where one may also purchase a bag of fine toilet wine.

Says the guy who’s obviously never been to prison...

Are we ruling out the possibility that he’s secretly sworn to the Dallas Cowboys, though?

Karakaş was allowed to return to the match after a brief tampon and ice treatment.

hold on there maestro, there’s a new zealand??

Deadspin Commenter: “C’mon, the big map of New Zealand gives...”
Billy H.: “New Zealand?! Slowly I turned...”

“Great, now we’re both suspended!”

...and sometimes both!

It does, actually. It’s like a very squeaky, very quiet fart.

*scuffles toe in the dirt*

If a hipster fakes their artisanal product and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?

Is a hipster’s word worth nothing these days?

"Claddagh"

Names were changed to protect identities. Caitlin just....fit.

Jenny: But I'm so confused. Am I wrong for wanting these things?

I have seen much worse, in terms of the scope and dollar amount of what they want.

Seriously, this isn't even remotely bad. Lots of items on the list, but I'd rather someone give me a list with 20 things where I can pick something than 2 things that are unaffordable or unavailable. I read the list, and didn't want to punch anything. I even salute her good taste for realizing that North Face is…