Note to self, pay someone to drive your car to the Mall of America while you commit a murder. Perfect alibi.

The I.S.S. residents cheered when they found out the candy corn for Halloween was destroyed on lift off.

Damn Rovers, parking wherever they want.

"because all the Kardashians are experts at faking something"

Just because it's civilized doesn't mean it's not stupid. Look at how civilized men used to settle a disagreement.

I feel like this information should be disseminated to all future grooms.

I don't need a separate fork for salad, entree, dessert and if we are real fancy, appetizers.

Maybe he can finally get a good explanation for why we need 3 forks.

The only person this guy should be flipping off is whoever told him those jeans looked good.

That sounds right.

I feel like I know this guy too. Just can't remember his name.

Somewhere Elon Musk is drinking the tears of his enemies.

[downs bottle of Crown]

I have it from a good source that Yukon Wicked Hot is a much better alternative.

That's so offensive.

Seoulja Boy Tell 'Em!

20 Months later...

Buy ten crash one free? I'm not sure we're doing this right everyone.

I'm not a parent either. But, this whole situation is disgraceful. I hope she grows up to be a well-adjusted adult.

Love + Beats? McDonald's is giving themselves a black eye with this new ad campaign. Shut it down!