Jimmy Fallon is tricked into eating a poison pill and has a minute to say something not-phony for an antidote pill or die.

On the networks, yes. Conan, on the other hand, is excellent. When he gets out and interacts with people, he’s the king. Drivers ed with Ice Cube and Kevin Hart and his trips to Cuba and the Koreas and Clueless Gamer are great examples.

Jimmy Fallon and the cast of Full House and Saved By the Bell take turns shooting each other in the face. Nobody wins, one person has to keep living though.

If I was in charge of a football team I would just line up all my athletes and they’d be naked. Then I’d play the national anthem and raise an American flag. If you don’t get a powerful erection, you don’t make the cut. Simple!

Now taking money from the military to put on a phony display of patriotism and help recruitment, that’s a tune we can all stand to! - Anonymous NFL Executive

Great. Now I’m crying in a McDonald’s. And it's not for any of the usual reasons.

That sound you heard was Drew Magary spiraling down a vortex of sorrow.

CTE is real, folks.

There, fixed it for you.

I think the only person who loves flags more than Brees is Brandon Browner.

What stereo types does it confirm. The stereo type that these two guys are dumb and killed an innocent person?

Homey on the left does not look like he’s playing with a full deck of cards.

Nightowel is any fabric within reach that you can grab when you’re about to climax.

I prefer to think that’s a goalie gear-clad vigilante chasing down the robber, and you can’t tell me any different.

Too bad about the lack of sound on the video, you know he’s apologizing as he’s running away.

I wouldn’t say they are football illiterate. They’ve learned a lot in the three years they have rooted for the Seahawks.

God...I always fucking hated [MLB player]. Can’t trust that son of a bitch.

He looks like the rubber mask that nobody buys until it’s five minutes before the Halloween party you forgot about.

That discussion of the abortive Tindr date was just depressing. I’m a Niners fan, and I think that man needs to sort his priorities out.

They can't cut him. It's not like there's a lot of out-of-work kickers, waiting for the phone to ring, and commenting on Deadspin articles