I intentionally took a step away from a usual volunteering gig I do in October, as they embraced the pink this year. Last year, it was purple. Now, it's pink. I wrote a letter to the volunteer head and explained why I wouldn't be supporting this event. They wanted to take me to coffee to discuss it. I want them…

Whoever stood there filming has balls of steel. Baboons are nothing to fuck with. They will take you out.

Yes, it's possible. I have a mighty pelvic floor, I guess.

His name was Andy. It was 9th grade. I met him when volunteering at a charity Haunted House. To this day, it's the only time I've ever looked into someone's eyes and seen stars, been all-consumed, and felt weak. I'm now 48. I'll never forget Andy.

Come to Phoenix!!! (I know, we're crazy here, but the winter is delightful!)

As anyone in recovery knows, it's not your place to take someone else's inventory. It's Lindsay's business to decide what rigorous honesty means to her, if she is even using 12-steps for recovery at all. That particular step may or may not be a part of her program. Let's all just let Lindsay do her thing, whatever…

Consumption of the Halloween black tortilla chips (Target) results in blue poo. Not that I'd know that one would tend to spend about three days wondering what would cause blue poo.

Crazy people and sex parties? Be right over, Idaho.

I've also heard the phrase, "30 mile per hour couch potato" to describe greyhounds.

I worked with a man whose wife had twins quite early. He called them the "Lizards". Yes, they did look like lizards.

Okay, so I was hijacked into attending a concert recently of a band that happens to feature a woman who voices one of the current MLP characters. I was not aware of this, and to my surprise, my nearly 50 year old female self ended up in a Hard Rock Cafe (nightmare point +1) with about 100 Bronies (nightmare point +2)…

I have to agree. I am going on 50, but yeah, that's how you do it, young man. That's how you get the oldens to say "woah, hey!"

Yeah, it was 118 at my place. It is hot as a mofo here. Today is 105 and humid. Yes, we get humidity. We just don't talk about it as it confirms the crazy diagnoses.

I don't possess a penis nor scrotum, but I might tend to think thats a lot of touching for the urinal. I can see this method being used at home, but excessive manipulation at the common trough might be frowned on.

Pretty sure that's called a jock strap.

I buy a bag of ice (10#) every three or four days and dump it into the dispenser in the freezer. (The automatic maker thingie isn't hooked up to a water source.) I use a lot of ice. It's hot and we have icky water in Arizona. The water comes out of the tap at about bathtub temperature, so ice is a necessity for…

Its not that Arizona's lawmakers don't know that Federal Law trumps State Law. It's that they truly don't care and want to be the 'maverick' state that tests the system at every turn.

My Social Media Employment category reads "Mercenary at the Highest Bidder". Self-depreciating and funny, or simply a reflection of truth that I'll do almost anything for enough money? You decide.

I am convinced that if there were a hell, it would sound and feel like cicada season in Arizona, which is usually mid-July through Late-August, as hot as you can imagine, and humid (for us anyway - up to 50-90% humidity and 115 degree temps.) Then that noise! That electric buzzing of cicadas! AAAARGH!

When someone who is not depressive doesn't know what to do or say, maybe they could just give someone who is a corn; a symbolic token of "Hey, I'm here when you want me to be, I love you, and all that." Sometimes words and motions don't resonate, but something symbolic can.