Oh this is so irritating on so many levels. It feels petty.

"Happy Anniversary honey! Wait, you're not supposed to give xenomorphs for your twentieth?"

Look, I was an impressionable young lass and these two animated gents certainly made an impression. Don't judge, you all know it's true.

Oh god. Please don't ruin my very fond uncomfortable memories of Justin, Captain of the Guards.

Okay, I'm done with the Internet. Nothing today will surpass the glory of that video.

At a former job I heard that my hobby of writing had been inflated to Wenchette is writing a novel on the clock, is getting published and has a movie deal.

SOON WE WILL HAVE JAEGERS.

Yet finding the clitoris is still a mystery to so many men, even the scientists...

I weep at the perfection of that liner.

I just bought Smashbox's Cherry Smoke in Bing because it was a red that smacked me in the face. I put it on and was rather stunned at how negative the reactions were from the men around me, except for one. My husband just smiled and said, "Men who don't like women in bright red lipstick haven't figured out that the…

in that cemetery you had to worry more about rapists than ghosts.

He saved me from a bee that tried to go down my cleavage after we traded blending tips. "That bee just won't leave me alone!" I complained.

His values were awesome.

It was a glorious summer day in drawing class so we all went out to the historical cemetery on campus to sketch. I was wearing a red sundress and I decided that I really wanted to get the attention of this one guy I'd been checking out all term.

STOP DASHING MY DREAMS. *flips hair, flings away glasses, launches into glorious song, steps in front of car...*

Apollo's Belt. 'Cause I'm neo-classy like that.

Goodbye waxed Apollo's belt flaunting white boys. The mall shall be even blander without you.

You get the idea.

My teeth ache just thinking about this.