Every publication needs its Andy Rooney. You’re it!

Well, then let me pitch in. I’d wager they’ll eventually dedicate an entire corner of the hall of fame to this kid. I mean, if that’s not where he’s headed, someone really dropped the ball. The kicker is that he’s so young; there are so many achievements he’ll inevitably tackle. While his first touch on the USMNT will…

Umm...ok: http://www.fifa.com/about-fifa/mar…

“Obviously the Kenyan officials who made off with the money are at fault”

And I thought Gawker readers just bought the crap the writers produce. I stand corrected.

And I thought Gawker readers just bought the crap the writers produce. I stand corrected.

I made it through my 20s without financial assistance from my parents and I lack basic empathy skills by many standards.

Or Halloween costumes.

11 reasons why Gawker is trying to become Buzzfeed:

When race car driver’s die, they die in a pretty obvious fashion; when football players die from CTE, it’s anything but obvious. Race car drivers know full well the danger; football players from the past had no such luxury. Kids don’t race cars at 200 mph; kids do sustain head injuries in football. Apples are not…

I like to talk with a candidate about their kids (if they happen to mention them first) because I like to hire parents. Parents are generally responsible and are more likely to have a longer tenure with the company.

You seem complicated. What makes you tick?

Do I!

Oh man, you are very much the very best.

I thought you, as an apex alpha dogger, would get the reference. Apparently not.

Oh wow. Oh wow. Oh wow.

Thanks. On my way!

You are discerning. I'm simply a troll sending self inflating pings into an echo chamber, having an empty conversation with myself, the pseudointellectual fry cook. You've hit every nerve and I'm lashing out against you, a stark superior. You only respond because you derive pleasure from these douchey interactions;…

You have a lot to say about me, but so far, scant little to say about yourself. We can agree that I'm sub par; really, that goes without saying. Let's generously put me in like the 20th percentile of humanity. And obviously you're like king alpha dog, just howling, ripping it. So you're definitely in the high 90s. …

You got me! Chief. I can't compete with the likes of you from behind the drive through window.