I’m sorry!

I couldn’t believe they did the firing the day before thanksgiving, let the staff know over the holiday via email, and nothing much is being said.

Haha, she remarried several years later, I actually made her and my step-dad dinner tonight. He’s wonderful, and she deserves him.

Yes, Chris. We all know that guy. But looking objectively, the guy is a marginal NFL quarterback under the best circumstances. Yeah, sure, he had some success and even pulled off some heroics in the playoffs, when it counts the most. But he comes with so much baggage - the kneeling, the outsized media attention, the…

Take your damn star. 

Disembodied sunglasses

My old landlord (a good NYC slumlord, but never made it onto the Village Voice’s word slumlords list, to my astonishment; people have it far worse) tried to pull the same bullshit but in our case we had a dog.

You have to trick a Mississippi man into saying something racist?

Brett did always have a knack for helping out the wrong team.

Brett finally gets the response he wants from a sent message. People view it and say, “What a dick!”

Also Lauren, using the one image that Amanda Bynes had issues with that sent her into a body dysphoric shame spiral seems a little unnecessarily cruel, no?  

You think it pisses people off to know you spent $55 dollars for something worth 2 bucks and that warns them you’re trash?

eewwwww

Pen...day...hoe!

You know how some people lie awake at night with deep existential dread? I just remember this, and the void runs away in horror.

You mean the text bitching about my mum, that I sent to my boyfriend, but actually sent it to my mum, while I was sitting right in front of her?

You have a good boss and a shitty co-worker.  

So my wife and I text animal noises to each other all the time - most frequently “meow” or some variation. Multiple animal noises usually signal we are especially excited about something.

My ex friend, whose entire wedding was a nightmare. The shower was something else.

Nearby a gaggle of white girls walked out of the mall with fifteen thousand dollars worth of stolen makeup.

My husband & I went out for tacos and our very little baby puked all over. It was the first and only time he ever puked copiously. We were both shocked and dumbstruck and didn’t know what to do. Chris Cornell was sitting next to us with friends and just smiled at us because we were both like, “oh god this is so…