“My other son...has some qualities, too.”

Hey Donny Jr., come here for a minute...

Here’s my suggestion. Stanton vs. Judge. Pay-Per-View event.

If you did 16 dongs in a night you’d be tired too...

In my head I started reading the block quote in Joe Buck’s voice, but after two sentences I got bored and read the rest in Vin Scully’s voice.

Everyone has a similar story about taking edibles and not waiting long enough for them to kick in. I have a few of them, one from as recently as last weekend, because I am a moron who does not learn from past mistakes.

I call bullshit on this story. There’s no way Joe Buck has a friend.

The Trump boys look like a failed cloning experiment done in jars that someone didn’t sanitize properly.

Here’s one more.

What? No “I killed a fucking endangered animal with a gun” photos?

Jeb: Derek, I don’t know where to go from here. How did we get to this place?

He better hope this doesn’t result in a court appearance. We all know how much trouble Mayweather has with sentences.

Fuck this guy.

And fuck this dumbass, Guy-Fieri-recipe fight.

The only way I’m watching an all star game is if it’s cross sport. I want to see basketball players playing hockey, football players playing baseball, hockey players playing chess, etc.

During that awesome Home Run Derby, and the new era of dingerball, I kept thinking to myself, “You know what would make this more fun? Math!”

Look, they said they had juiced balls. I went to talk to them, but we ended up talking about Russian orphans. That’s it. I swear.