If you don’t act like you’re seeing your first glimpse of heaven when you see my tits- you’re out. My husband still acts like this without any encouragement after 10 years and it’s the only correct response to boobs. I say this as an possessor of boobs and someone sexually attracted to them.

He was hoping to make out during a serial killer movie???

Like this:

I think I’ve got it.

I broke up with a guy, perfectly nice guy, because he quit smoking. He looked so cool and French when he smoked and he would hang the cigarette of of his lip while he was working and it just got my motor running. Then he quit and started chewing gum and that was that.

I once dated a guy who was almost 30, had never lived away from home, and had just broken up with his girlfriend who he’d been with since high school. He was in graduate school getting his PhD in physics so he wasn’t a mooch. He’d always been doing something while he lived at home.

A guy friend of mine was on a Jewish dating site. He emailed his now wife, “Four out of five Jewish mothers approve of me.” She said, “I want to meet the fifth one. I feel like she knows what’s up.”

Basically, don’t yuck my yum....

eating at california pizza kitchen is a dealbreaker.

I know a Chad who is nice and pretty smart, but he likes to talk, A LOT, mostly about himself. And he drives Tesla. Make of that what you will.

Can we get a list of deal sealers as well? (Ugh. Now that I type that, I realize there probably isn’t a good way to state that without probably resorting to cliches.)

Yeah I dumped a guy once after he said he was “pleasantly surprised” by my breasts. I think he thought that was complimentary.

Ah, the classic WTF am I supposed to do with this stupid thing situation. 

He gave me a grocery/drug store bouquet on the first date that I then had to carry around like some bargain basement Miss America. I don’t like cut flowers because they remind me of hospitals, funerals, and death in general, but that it was a cheap ass bouquet accented by plenty of Gerber daisies that I couldn’t…

i’m so sorry for the loss of your friend, TheOtherNico - though i am super happy you were able to transition him to column f. if he had a lot in common with your dad, then he likely had a lot in common with you, and i’m sure that relationship was cherished as much by him as it was by you.

Actually, I kept the guy around too. I just moved him to the “friend” column. That friend passed away this week, so I’ve been having all the feelings

I broke up with him soon after.

My deal breaker is crying over someone buying you lunch. You know you dodged a bullet, right?

I’d been on a couple very lovely dates with a lovely man. We were going to Netflix and Chill and went to a liquor store to grab some drinks before heading to my place. We split up to go pick out our respective drinks and he returned with.... Mike’s Hard Lemonade LIGHT. I feigned period cramps when we got back to my…

I introduced a guy I was dating to my Dad and we all went out to dinner. Within 15 minutes, they were finishing each other’s sentences. They ordered near-identical meals. I was squicked out when I realized how much he was like my Dad. I broke up with him soon after.